Abertura & Why Can't the English
Rex Harrison

Henry
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered
By law she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue

Eliza
Aaoooww

Henry (imitating her)
Aaoooww
Heaven's...What a noise
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education

Pickering
Oh Counsel, I think you picked a poor example

Henry
Did I hear them down in Soho square
Dropping "h's" everywhere
Speaking English anyway they like
You sir, did you go to school

Man
Wadaya tike me for, a fool

Henry
No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction, by now
Should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one

Eliza
Garn

Henry
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that
It's "Aoooow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to set
A good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely disappears
In America, they haven't used it for years
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
Norwegians learn Norwegian
The Greeks have taught their Greek
In France every Frenchman knows his language fro "A" to "Zed"
The French never care what they do, actually
As long as they pronounce in properly
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak
Why can't the English
Why can't the English learn to speak.

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Wouldn't It Be Loverly.
Julie Andrews

It's rather dull in town
I think I'll take me to Paree
Mmmmmm
The mistress wants to open up
The castle in Capri
Me doctor recommends a quiet summer by the sea
Mmmm, Mmmm, wouldn't it be loverly

Eliza
All I want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
With one enormous chair
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly
Lots of choc'lates for me to eat
Lots of coal makin' lots of 'eat
Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?
Aow, so loverly sittin' abso-bloomin'-lutely still
I would never budge 'till spring
Crept over me windowsill
Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee
Warm an' tender as 'e can be
'ho takes good care of me
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly
Loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly

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With a little bit of luck
Stanley Holloway

Alfred
The Lord above gave man an arm of iron
So he could do his job and never shirk
The Lord gave man an arm of iron-but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
Someone else'll do the blinkin' work

The three
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck you'll never work

Alfred
The Lord above made liquor for temptation
To see if man could turn away from sin
The Lord above made liquor for temptation-but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
When temptation comes you'll give right in

The three
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck you'll give right in

Alfred
Oh, you can walk the straight and narrow
But with a little bit of luck
You'll run amuck
The gentle sex was made for man to marry
To share his nest and see his food is cooked
The gentle sex was made for man to marry-but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
You can have it all and not get hooked

The three
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck you won't get hooked
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of bloomin' luck

Alfred
The Lord above made man to help is neighbor
No matter where, on land, or sea, or foam
The Lord above made man to help his neighbor-but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
When he comes around you won't be home

Jim and Harry
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck
You won't be home

Alfred
They're always throwin' goodness at you
But with a little bit of luck
A man can duck
Oh, it's a crime for man to go philandrin
And fill his wife's poor heart with grief and doubt
Oh, it's a crime for man to go philanderin'-but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
You can see the bloodhound don't find out

The three
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck she won't find out
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of bloomin' luck
...

He doesn't have a tuppence in his pocket
The poorest bloke you'll ever hope to meet
He doesn't have a tuppence in his pocket-but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
He'll be movin' up to easy street
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of luck
He's movin' up
With a little bit...with a little bit...
With a little bit of bloomin luck

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I'm an ordinary man.
Rex Harrinson.


Well after all, Pickering
I'm an ordinary man
Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance
To live exactly as he likes
And do precisely what he wants...
An average man am I, of no eccentric whim
Who likes to live his life, free of strife
Doing whatever he thinks is best, for him
Well... just an ordinary man...
But, let a woman in your life
And your serenity is through
She'll redecorate your home
From the cellar to the dome
And then go on to the enthralling fun of overhauling you
Let a woman in your life
And you're up against a wall
Make a plan and you will find
That she has something else in mind
And so rather than do either you do
Something else that neither likes at all
You want to talk of Keats and Milton
She only wants to talk of love
You go to see a play or ballet
And spend it searching for her glove
Let a woman in your life
And you invite eternal strife
Let them buy their wedding bands
For those anxious little hands...
I'd be equally as willing for
A dentist to be drilling than to ever let
a woman in my life
I'm a very gentle man, even tempered
And good natured who you never hear complain
Who has the milk of human kindness
By the quart in every vein
A patient man am I, down to my fingertips
The sort who never could, ever would
Let an insulting remark escape his lips
Very gentle man...
But, Let a woman in your life
And patience hasn't got a chance
She will beg you for advice
Your reply will be concise
And she will listen very nicely
and then go out and do exactly what she wants
You are a man of grace and polish
Who never spoke above a hush
All at once you're using language
That would make a sailor blush
Let a woman in your life
And you're plunging in a knife
Let the others of my sex
Tie the knot around their necks
I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition
Than to ever let a woman in my life
I'm a quiet living man
Who prefers to spend the evening in the silence of his room
Who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undiscovered tomb
A pensive man am I, of philosophical joys
Who likes to meditate, contemplate
Far for humanities mad inhuman noise
Quiet living man
But, let a woman in your life
And your sabbatical is through
In a line that never ends comes an army of her friends
Come to jabber and to chatter
And to tell her what the matter is with you
She'll have a booming boisterous family
Who will descend on you en mass
She'll have a large wagnarian mother
With a voice that shatters glass
Let a woman in your life
Let a woman in your life
Let a woman in your life
I shall never let a woman in my life

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Just you wait.
Julie Andrews


Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait
You'll be sorry, but your tears'll be to late
You'll be broke, and I'll have money
Will I help you? Don't be funny
Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait
Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, till you're sick
And you scream to fetch a doctor double-quick
I'll be off a second later
And go straight to the the-ater
Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait
Ooooh 'enry 'iggins
Just you wait until we're swimmin' in the sea
Ooooh 'enry 'iggins
And you get a cramp a little ways from me
When you yell you're going to drown
I'll get dressed and go to town
Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins
Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins
Just you wait
One day I'll be famous
I'll be proper and prim
Go to St. James so often I will call it St. Jim
One evening the king will say
"Oh, Liza, old thing,
I want all of England your praises to sing.
Next week on the twentieth of May
I proclaim Liza Doolittle Day!
All the people will celebrate the glory of you
And whatever you wish and want I gladly will do."
"Thanks a lot, King" says I, in a manner well-bred
"But all I want is 'enry 'iggins 'ead"
"Done," says the King with a stroke
"Guard, run and bring in the bloke"
Then they'll march you, 'enry 'iggins to the wall
And the King will tell me: "Liza, sound the call"
As they lift their rifles higher
I'll shout: "Ready! Aim! Fire!"
Oh ho ho, 'enry 'iggins
Down you'll go, 'enry 'iggins
Just you wait

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The rain in Spain.
Rex Harrinson - Julie Andrews - Robert Coote

Servants
Poor Professor Higgins
Poor Professor Higgins
Night and day
He slaves away
Oh, poor Professor Higgins
All day long
On his feet
Up and down until he's numb
Doesn't rest
Doesn't eat
Doesn't touch a crumb
Poor Professor Higgins
Poor Professor Higgins
On he plods
Against all odds
Oh, poor Professor Higgins
Nine pm, ten pm
On through midnight ev'ry night
One am, two am, three...
Quit, Professor Higgins
Quit, Professor Higgins
Hear our plea or payday we
Will quit, Professor Higgins
Ay not I, O not Ow
Pounding pounding in our brain
Ay not I, O not Ow
Don't say "Rine," say "Rain"

Eliza
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain

Henry
By George, she's got it
By George, she's got it
Now, once again where does it rain

Eliza
On the plain...On the plain

Henry
And where's that soggy plain

Eliza
In Spain...In Spain

The three
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain

Henry
In Hartford, Hereford, and Hampshire

Eliza
Hurricanes hardly happen
How kind of you to let me come

Henry
Now once again, where does it rain

Eliza
On the plain...On the plain

Henry
And where's that blasted plain

Eliza
In Spain...In Spain

The three
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain

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I could have danced all night.
Julie Andrews - Philippa Bevans


Eliza
Bed, bed, I couldn't go to bed
My head's too light to try to set it down
Sleep! Sleep! I couldn't sleep tonight
Not for all the jewels in the crown
I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before
I'll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once
My heart took flight
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced all night

Servant 1
It's after three now

Servant 2
Don't you agree now
She ought to be in bed

Eliza
I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before
I'll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced danced all night

Mrs. Pearce
I understand, dear
It's all been grand, dear
But now it's time to sleep

Eliza
I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before
I'll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced
All night

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Ascot gavotte.


Ladies and Gentlemen
Ev'ry duke and earl and peer is here
Ev'ryone who should be here is here
What a smashing, positively dashing
Spectacle: the Ascot op'ning day
At the gate are all the horses
Waiting for the cue to fly away
What a gripping, absolutely ripping
Moment at the Ascot op'ning day
Pulses rushing
Faces flushing
Heartbeats speed up
I have never been so keyed up
And second now
They'll begin to run
Hark! A bell is ringing
They are springing
Forward
Look! It has begun
What a frenzied moment that was
Didn't they maintain an exhausting pace
'Twas a thrilling, absolutely chilling
Running of the Ascot op'ning race.

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On the street where you live.
John Michael King

Freddy
When she mentioned how her aunt bit off the spoon
She completely done me in
And my heart went on a journey to the moon
When she told about her father and the gin
And I never saw a more enchanting farce
Than that moment when she shouted "move your bloomin'"
I have often walked down this street before
But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before
All at once am I
Several stories high
Knowing I'm on the street where you live
Are there lilac trees in the heart of town
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town
Does enchantment pour
Out of ev'ry door
No, it's just on the street where you live
And oh! The towering feeling
Just to know somehow you are near
The overpowering feeling
That any second you may suddenly appear
People stop and stare
They don't bother me
For there's no where else on earth
That I would rather be
Let the time go by
I won't care if I
Can be here on the street where you live

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You did it.
Rex Harrison - Robert Coote - Philippa Bevans


Pickering
Tonight, old man, you did it
You did it...You did it
You said that you would do it
And indeed you did
I thought that you would rue it
I doubted you'd do it
But now I must admit it
That succeed you did
You should get a medal
Or be even made a knight

Henry
It was nothing
Really nothing

Pickering
All alone you hurdled
Ev'ry obstacle in sight

Henry
Now, wait...Now, wait
Give credit where it's due
A lot of the glory goes to you

Pickering
But you're the one who did it
Who did it, who did it
As sturdy as Gibraltar
Not a second did you falter
There's no doubt about it
You did it
I must have aged a year tonight
At times I thought I'd die of fright
Never was there a momentary lull

Henry
Shortly after we came in
I saw at once we'd easily win
And after that I found it deadly dull

Pickering
You should have heard the ooh's and ah's
Ev'ry one wondering who she was

Henry
You'd think they'd never seen a lady before

Pickering
And when the Prince of Transylvania
Asked to meet her
And gave his arm to lead her to the floor
I said to him: You did it
You did it...You did it
They thought she was ecstatic
And so damned aristocratic
And they never knew
That you did it

Henry
Thank Heavens for Zoltan Karparthy
If it weren't for him I would have died of boredom
He was there, all right
And up to his old tricks

Mrs. Pearce
Karparthy
That dreadful Hungarian
Was he there

Henry
Yes
That blackguard who uses the science of speech
More to blackmail and swindle than teach
He made it the devilish business of his
"To find out who this Miss Doolittle is"
Ev'ry time we looked around
There he was, that hairy hound
From Budapest
Never leaving us alone
Never have I ever known
A ruder pest
Fin'lly I decided it was foolish
Not to let him have his chance with her
So I stepped aside and let him dance with her
Oozing charm from ev'ry pore
He oiled his way around the floor
Ev'ry trick that he could play
He used to strip her mask away
And when at last the dance was done
He glowed as if he knew he'd won
And with a voice to eager
And a smile too broad
He announced to the hostess
That she was a fraud

Mrs. Pearce
No

Henry
Ja wohl
Her English is too good, he said
Which clearly indicates that she is foreign
Whereas others are instructed in their native language
English people aren't
And although she may have studied with an expert
Di'lectician and grammarian
I can tell that she was born Hungarian
Not only Hungarian, but of royal blood
She is a princess

Servants
Congratulations, Professor Higgins
For your glorious victory
Congratulations, Professor Higgins
You'll be mentioned in history

Rest of Servants (Simultaneously) Congratulations
Professor Higgins
For your glorious
Victory
Congratulations
Professor Higgins
Sing hail and hallelujah
Ev'ry bit of credit
For it all belongs to you

Footman (Simultaneously with Rest of Servants) This evening, sir, you did it
You did it...You did it
You said that you would do it
And indeed you did
This evening, sir, you did it
You did it...You did it
We know that we have said it
But-you did it and the credit
For it all belongs to you

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Show me.
Julie Andrews - John Michael King

Freddy
Speak and the world is full of singing
And I'm winging
Higher than the birds
Touch and my heart begins to crumble
The heaven's tumble
Darling, and I'm...
Eliza
Words, words, words, I'm so sick of words
I get words all day through
First from him, now from you
Is that all you blighters can do
Don't talk of stars burning above
If you're in love show me
Tell me no dreams filled with desire
If you're on fire show me
Here we are together in the middle of the night
Don't talk of spring, just hold me tight
Anyone who's ever been in love'll tell you that
This is no time for a chat
Haven't your lips longed for my touch
Don't say how much, show me, show me
Don't talk of love lasting through time
Make me no undying vow
Show me now
Sing me no song, read me no rhyme
Don't waste my time, show me
Don't talk of June, don't talk of fall
Don't talk at all, show me
Never do I ever want to hear another word
There isn't one I haven't heard
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream
Day one more word and I'll scream
Haven't your arms hungered for mine
Please don't "expl'ine", show me, show me
Don't wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow
Show me now

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Get me to the church on time.
Stanley Holloway

Jamie, Harry, Friends
There's just a few more hours
That's all the time you've got
A few more hours
Before they tie the knot

Doolittle
There are drinks and girls all over London, and I've
gotta track 'em down in just a few more hours
I'm getting married in the morning
Ding dong! The bells are gonna chime
Pull out the stopper, let's have a whopper
But get me to the church on time
I gotta be there in the mornin'
Spruced up and lookin' in me prime
Girls, come and kiss me, show how you'll miss me
But get me to the church on time
If I am dancin', roll up the floor
If I am whistlin' whewt me out the door
For I'm gettin' married in the mornin'
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime
Kick up an rumpus, but don't lost the compass
And get me to the church
Get me to the church
For Gawd's sake, get me to the church on time

Doolittle and Everyone
I'm getting married in the morning
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime

Doolittle
Drug me or jail me
Stamp me and mail me

All
But get me to the church on time
I gotta be there in the morning
Spruced up and lookin' in me prime

Doolittle
Some bloke who's able lift up the table

All
And get em to the church on time

Doolittle
If I am flying then shoot me down
If I am wooin' get her out of town

All
For I'm getting married in the morning
Ding dong! The bells are gonna chime

Doolittle
Feather and tar me, call out the Army
But get me to the church

All
Get me to the church...

Doolittle
For Gawd's sake, get me to the church on time

Harry and Everyone
Starlight is reelin' home to bed now
Mornin' is smearin' up the sky
London is wakin', daylight is breakin'
Good luck, old chum
Good health, goodbye

Doolittle

00>I'm gettin' married in the mornin'
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime
Hail and salute me, then haul off and boot me
And get me to the church
Get me to the church
For Gawd's sake, get me to the church on time

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A Hymn to him.
Rex Harrison

Henry
Why can't a woman be more like a man
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square
Eternally noble, historically fair
Who when you win will always give your back a pat
Why can't a woman be like that
Why does ev'ryone do what the others do
Can't a woman learn to use her head
Why do they do everything their mothers do
Why don't they grow up like their father instead
Why can't a woman take after a man
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please
Whenever you're with them, you're always at ease
Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours

Pickering
Of course not

Henry
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two

Pickering
Nonsense

Henry
Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers

Pickering
Never

Henry
Why can't a woman be like you
One man in a million may shout a bit
Now and then there's one with slight defects
One perhaps whose truthfulness you doubt a bit
But by and large we are a marvelous sex
Why can't a woman behave like a man
Men are so friendly, good-natured and kind
A better companion you never will find
If I were hours late for dinner would you bellow

Pickering
Of course not

Henry
If I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss

Pickering
Nonsense

Henry
Would you complain if I took out another fellow

Pickering
Never

Henry
Why can't a woman be like us
Why can't a woman be more like a man
Men are so decent, such regular chaps
Ready to help you through any mishaps
Ready to buck you up whenever you up whenever you are glum
Why can't a woman be a chum
Why is thinking something women never do
Why is logic never even tried
Straightening up their hair is all they ever do
Why don't they straighten up the mess that's inside
Why can't a woman be more like a man
If I were a woman who'd been to a ball
Been hailed as a princess to one and to all
Would I start weeping like a bathtub overflowing
Carry on as if my home were in a tree
Would I run off and never tell me where I'm going
Why can't a woman be like me

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Without you.
Julie Andrews

What a fool I was
What a dominated fool
To think you were the earth and sky
What a fool I was...what an addle-pated fool
What a mutton-headed dolt was I
No, my reverberating friend
You are not the beginning and the end
There'll be spring every year without you
England still will be here without you
There'll be fruit on the tree
And a shore by the sea
There'll be crumpets and tea
Without you
Art and music will thrive without you
Somehow Keats will survive without you
And there still will be rain
On that plain down in Spain
Even that will remain without you
I can do without you
You, dear friend, who talk so well
You can go to Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire
They can still rule the land without you
Windsor Castle will stand without you
And without much ado
We can all muddle through without you
Without your pulling it, the tide comes in
Without your twirling it, the earth can spin
Without your pushing them, the clouds roll by
If they can do without you, ducky, so can I
I shall not feel alone without you
I can stand on my own without you
So go back in your shell
I can do bloody well
Without you

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I've Grown accustomed to her face.
Rex Harrison

Damn...Damn...Damn...Damn...
I've grown accustomed to her face
She almost makes the day begin
I've grown accustomed to the tune
She whistles night and noon
Her smiles, her frowns
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now
Like breathing out and breathing in
I was serenely independent and content before we met
Surely I can always be that way again
And yet I've grown accustomed to her looks
Accustomed to her voice, accustomed to her face
But I'm so used to hear her say "Good morning" ev'ry day
Her joys, her woes, her highs, her lows
Are second nature to me now
Like breathing out and breathing in
I'm very grateful she's a woman and so easy to forget
Rather like a habit one can always break and yet
I've grown accustomed to the trace of something in the air
Accustomed to her face.

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